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5 years ago
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
It's time
It is time to let everyone know that we lost the baby today. It's hard. But I plan to go shopping tomorrow to make myself feel better, for one day. :) Dustin said something I didn't take well today. I am pretty sure it will cost him at least $50 tomorrow. I know that he didn't mean it to be rude, but he should have waited to bring it up. I am having a hard time deciding when/if I want to try for another. I haven't seen a doctor and really don't plan too. Looked into it today. They wanted $500 bucks. Yeah, for an ultra sound to tell me I was loosing the baby. NOT going to happen. I mean i have epidural couches. No way I am going through child birth with out an epidural for $900, and then pay $500 for a doctor to tell me something mother nature can. I wish my doctor had an ultra sound machine - then I would go. But I really don't know if I am even going to go at all. So - if anyone out there has lost a baby at about 6 1/2 weeks, if you can recall anything your doctor said, I will happily listen. If the Pioneers did it, so can I right? Anyways, it stinks cause I had a ton of friends that were pregnant with me. Including my sister. I am of course still really happy for all of you, but stink man. It just stinks. So the thing I need most is to keep busy. I am feeling freakishly alone and just need things to do. Hopefully I can find things soon. I know that my Savior can help take away the pain. I am just not ready to give it up yet. Sorry for the super sad post. I hate these things. :) But, I just need to let some of it out. Typing is better than writing. I have done both. A BIG thanks to my mother in law who kept me company till my hubby got home and picked up my house a bit and did some laundry. Too bad I let the kids all mess it up again cause I just don't care today. To bad I had 10 people come over to drop by money and all got to see my messy house. My dear sweet bishop dropped by to check on us. I am grateful and it was sweet. But I am still in my nightgown (which I put on fresh this morning by the way) and the house was a mess. I was mortified. But I am grateful for the gesture and kindness. I guess if he can keep confidences then maybe the Lord can bless and erase his memory of what he saw today! My poor hubby doesn't know what to do. I just want him to talk to me and hold me and get my mind off it really. Sorry to be a black cloud. Thanks for listening/reading.
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6 comments:
Kristina, I am SOOO sorry!! I have had other friends and family go through the same thing so I can sympathize but not completely empathize (I hope I got the two correct). Time will heal...that I have seen. I love you...that's pretty much all I know to do for you!!
I am so sorry you're going through this!! I know there are no words to take away your pain, just know that I'm thinking about you. And it's okay to be sad, mad, and whatever else you're feeling. And don't be embarrassed by what others must have thought when they came by and saw a messy house. We ALL have had messy houses and have spent the day in our jammies before. Even Mari!
((hugs))
I am so sorry to hear that. It's a miserable experience that always takes some time. You asked for some doctor experiences--I had an ultrasound when I started bleeding with Timothy (at about six weeks), which was good because it turned out he was okay. However, my one at eight weeks, they just gave me an exam and took a blood test a couple of times to make sure my body was recovering and my hormone levels were going back down so I think they have other options for diagnosing. But don't worry too much about it. Do what you feel you need to. You'll be in my prayers.
Friend, I'm so sorry! While we can't take away the pain you are feeling right now we are all here to listen as much and as many times as you need it. You are loved!
My doctor said giving "birth" at home was just fine. The only thing he told me to watch for was too much bleeding. After you actually miscarry, you should have normal period type bleeding that should last for about as long as a normal period. If the bleeding is harder than a normal period, or lasts longer than 2 weeks, you'll need to go see your Dr. for possible complications. Otherwise it should be just fine to miscarry at home.
I'm so sorry that happened. If you need someone to talk to or go shopping with or a break from your kids let me know. I'm here for you.
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